Married Men Are Sleazy

Q: Why is it that I get hit on by married man way more often than their single counterparts???

A: Is it because

1. Wives suck (or refuse to)
2. Men don't want to hump the mother of their kids
3. Women don't want to be humped by their Baby's Daddy
   
4. I need to hang out with more single people
5. Men are just not programed for long-term monogamy
6. Men, married and/or single are scum
   

Q: Why Am I So Mean?

A: I'm actually really sad & lonely so I have to put down others to feel good about myself. Ain't life a bitch?

Why I Hate Clubbing

Maybe it's because I don't drink (am allergic) or am too old to be cool but typically what I do when I am forced to go to a club because I just never learn:
Bitchface the Doorbitch...
Light Cigarette...
Stand around like stupid...
Play spot the Loser with No rhythm (in my head)...
Sit around like stupid...
Try not to laugh at butt crack exposing,
passed-out drunk girl
Light Cigarette... Light Another Cigarette...
Stand around like stupid... Sit around like stupid...
Regret wasting a decent outfit on this place
... Feel Really Stupid ...
Thank God I didn't pay to get in

I Hate Sonia

My dear friend Brie in NY, who I have daily communications with over google mail (since she never ever picks up her phone) wrote the following about a mutual friend and I think it's really funny.

Do you suffer from strong feelings of frustration and aggravation after a long night with friends? Can't sleep because you feel disgusted, disappointed and nauseous after what should have been a fun night? You are not alone, you' may be suffering from IHS or I Hate Sonia.

There's a new treatment out there just for you.

You need may want to talk to your doctor about HTDOHIC (better known as horse tranquilizers to dull out her infuriating comments.) HTDOHIC will help you deal with daily exasperating stimulus caused by IHS. HTDOHIC dulls your senses so that you can communicate on basic levels similar to a 12-year old by corroding your brain cells leaving you to feel ditzy and silly.

HTDOHIC is the only drug that ensures an instant sense of vapidity that will overcome you. Similar to a lobotomy, the aftereffects of this wonder drug will leave you feeling calm and peaceful whereby you will only be able to communicate through monosyllabic words.

Please note: HTDOHAC may have severe side effects such as reduction of passion, intellect and loss of any sense of self worth and maturity.

I've always hated this chick! It's not personal, but it is.

Snakes Are Everywhere & No Better Than Bitches!!! Thanks For A Bitter Lesson Learnt. Goodbye.

Bitten by a vicious serpent! Nothing like being back stabbed by someone close to put things in perspective.

'snake in the grass' as described by dictionary.com:

1. a treacherous person, esp. one who feigns friendship
2. a concealed danger

I would have to say i've seen many characters of the sort. But I'm usually perceptive enough to keep a safe distance.

Here are lessons I've learnt (& need to preach) on surviving venomous snake bites.

Lesson 1: Always trust your instincts!
A friend I held near & dear screwed me. Though, sensing her bad vibes, I never saw it coming my way.

Lesson 2: Come clean! We're not all stupid!
It bit me, assumeing (making an ass out of U n ME) I could not see it, then tried to writhe out of it when cornered. That just made things worse.

Lesson 3: Serpents don't descriminate prey. It's nature.
Snakes will sell/screw their mothers for a few bucks! I feel emo about letting this friendship go but I must. Too bad, I've come to value her opinions & her funny commentaries about people (clue!) but feigning friendship will make me no better.

The wound is healed but the poison remains and will be as annoying as hammeroids - pretending to go away but sneakily creeping back out one's butt when least expected. I thank the forces for a reminder in looking where I thread. Fool me twice, shame on me!

Lesson 4: Hate is wasted on fools. Heal instead
Understand this: Ill actions beget disasterous consequences. So there! ~Bye Lene, I'm not hating just healing.

Coxsakie

Hand, Foot & Mouth Disease??? Says my immature 40 year old cousin while doing her best impression of giving head with her mouth & feet! EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!

How my 25 year old brother got this disesase that's only supposed to happen to toddlers is beyond me. He has painful looking blisters on his hands & feet and even face! reminds me of chicken pox growing inwards-it's that gross! We have since banished him to his room @ leper-land save for meal times (even then he has to wear slippers)& forbidden him to touch anything.

Becks' Blog Bust!!!

Does this mean they're not responsible for the dull content?

No Russell Peters For You

Russell Peters was supposed to come back in March. Found this post on his site:

KUALA LUMPUR
Sorry to say, but the show in KL will not proceed. Today - Sat.Jan.20.07. - we received confirmation that we did not get approval from the 'authorities'. Sorry KL but we tried. Despite our best efforts to put on a show here, we were rebuffed.
We will be back in Singapore at some point this year, so we hope that the thousands of Malaysian fans will make their way down for that show.
Jumpa lagi, Inshallah.
BB
RUSSELLPETERS.COM posted on January 21, 2007

What??? We missed a damn good time. Howla want to go global?

Movie @ 1:40 A.M.

Wednesday my brother shoved 3x transformer SOLD OUT tickets at me for Saturday. "I don't care you're going!" he knows his sister is a no life. Whatever... So I asked Fruitcake to come, she says her Abang wants 2 come after I've invited Eug I've no disire to lampost. Who the hell buys 3 movie tickets???

Thursday:
I decide to give her & her man the tickets & whoever else wants to go with them but Eug was bitchin'. Try to buy new tickets online so everyone can shut up & go but stupid payment gateway doesn't work!!! Tried 5 x with 3 different credit cards!!! -Malaysia tak boleh?

Friday:
Fruity not backing down. She wants them tix! I try to sweet talk Eug into going to get new ones. He calls me on it so I start getting mean which works (masochist!). At this point I don't care anymore. Make plans to go for Eva Cassidy at Alexis on Saturday instead. Q: Why do I keep referring to her as Eva Mendez?

Eug: Good news & bad news
Me: Tell me the bad
Eug: There's Tickets & Good Seats
Me: So?
Eug:It's at 1:40
Me: PM?
Eug: You wanna go?
(Ignores totally valid point)
Me: I can't I have a lunch thing
Eug: It's at night la
Me: You Sure?
Eug: Erm... let me check

stole this from the www.cyber-cinema.com

Doesn't call back. If his story checks out, I get to go to Eva Casssidy & Transformers. Good One!

Saturday:
Woke up at 5 pm waiting for turns all night on pimpwar. I call Eug to make sure that the tickets are really for 1:40 AM again.

Lost trying to get to Ampang. Eva Cassidy sucks big time! It's not even the real one. Turns out it's a tribute & this chick sound like a bad version of Dido tring to sing Eva Cassidy.

nana's convinced she's plastic!

The real Eva Cassidy's dead. Huh??? Chick gives biographical commentaries (Accent: Australian) 'tween songs. Who Cares? Just Sing Woman! The second half was better. Got to hear Fever, Cheek to Cheek & some others before I slipped into a coma. Thank God! More Commentaries -Alamak!!!

Rush home after. Wow! Got from Ampang to home in a record 12 minutes. If I wasn't trying to not kill rempits it woulda been less. (Damn conscience!)

Get in Eug's car & realise I wanna ___. It's 1:20 & he has no gas. We turn back. He's not happy. Apparently Mister hates being late to movies. Remember leaving ___ in the CRV from months ago. Run into the house, grab BoB, rush for keys only to be told by mom they're missing. Great!

Dash out. Roadblock. Eug freaks out 'cos he's had 2 beers. Wat a Wuss! I frantically hide. Passed the booze bust (Great poker faces!). I light up. So did not get it-stupid roadblock!

Wow! Really Got!!!

Get there & Eug is yappin' about being late as expected. To shut him up I ask to see the tickets just to make sure it's 1:40AM. It was. Wah! I'm impressed.

Full house. Good seats. Movie didn't start till about 2AM, WTF time do we get to go home? Finally ended a little after 4:30 AM. Transformers was pretty cool, Sucre from Prison Break was on for like 5 minutes + the chick had a hot bod. Lame comedy, not enough robot character development & preachy Optimus Prime ending, but otherwise served it's purpose.